Goals

http://despair.com/

Here's to
     --- Giving the competition the freeway to bang their heads
     --- Championing the underdogs
     --- Fairplay over success - the journey over the destination
     --- Restraining the inner competitive jerk

Not Off My Onion Yet

You Can Be Anything You Want, Says Fictional Character

College Senior Hopes To Turn Love Of Data Entry Into Career

A Million Little Pieces

I was browsing at a book sale, when I saw this book. It looked interesting (I judged it by its cover :D), so I flipped through it

First flip – quote - Belonging is not something I have ever concerned myself with and is not something I give two shits about. I have lived alone. I am about to die alone.

Second flip – quote (roughly summarized, I’m too lazy to type in the whole thing) – An Addict is an Addict. It doesn’t matter who the addict is or what the addiction is. The life of the Addict is always the same. There is no excitement, no glamour, no fun. There is no future and no escape. There is only an obsession.

So I had to buy the book.

I could identify on both counts. I used to give plenty of shits about belonging when I was a kid, but it became too fucking hard that I gave up at some point and never looked back since. And I was a book addict. I would have whored for a book and I was only 13. I needed a daily fix, anything, anything. Dunno how I got out of it...Its hazy in my mind. Can’t say I wanna go there...

I read the book. It was boring, repetitive, disgusting. Funny in parts and touching. It was life and I am not disappointed.. It is apparently a bestseller in the center of a huge controversy about its factual validity...

This is why I am writing this column today. Because I am irritated. Very bare bones, this guy, pulled himself out of drug addiction, and sat down to tell the story any way he could.

What ARE all these people complaining about?? That he made it as entertaining as he could (heaven forbid!), embellished it to make himself look good (horror!) and made a lot of money (Ah! We come to the root of the hatred!!)

I would like to support this guy and say - "GOOD FOR YOU man! Stay clean and enjoy your riches!"... All you teenage numbskulls, read it! If even 10% of it were true, you’re in serious shit so don’t do drugs. Or anything else. Other addictions are less physically draining, but they fuck with your head nevertheless.

The philosophy of this guy matched mine largely, so I guess a lot of my liking for this book had a lot to do with vanity. So I may not be completely unbiased and I wont deny that. But nevertheless it’s a good book, pure and simple

If Dan Brown’s books sold a million copies (Might I take a cheap shot to say he writes the most serious tripe ever?) James Frey deserves to sell 10 times more; his stuff may help somebody.

There are parodies of this book out already - What can I say? Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery?

Something has survived

I have this really umm...charming habit. Whenever I hear a song I like, I put it on endless repeat until im sick of it (which takes about 2 hours) and then I never want to listen to it again...So I got to thinking of the songs that survived...So I have too much free time ...So soo me :)

Fatboy Slim - Right Here Right Now - Never fails to induce a sense of urgency in me

Metallica - The Call of Ktulu - guitar heaven

Enya - Boadicea - The version where she hums... Peace

Queen - Killer Queen - Irony...Never fails to make me smile

Scorpions - When the smoke is going down - Always struck me as a very bare song...Maybe its the voice...

Dirty Vegas - Days Go By - The version with the bass beat... Not to forget the video... Manages a sound that echoes on...

Duran Duran - Ordinary World - A song to cry to

Seal - Kiss from a rose - unusual

Metallica - NEM - song for my first love

Queen - Don't Stop Me Now - :)

Crash Test Dummies - Mmmm mmm - Peace

Rammstein - Eifersucht - anger and rebellion

Enigma - TNT for the brain - urgency and purpose. I find it goes best with Quake :D

Dire Straits - Iron Hand - I still get goosebumps when I listen to this one

Def Leppard - White Lightning - fear

Garbage - Stupid Girl - self-derision

Ol' Paint

The woods are lovely, long and deep, I’d rather stay, than go to sleep (Or sumfin of that kind :) ...This is a picture I am currently planning to paint...

I’ve embarked on a painting frenzy lately. I now own about 18 different brushes (Sizes ranging from highbrow pencil to industrial broom)...All the while, I have this thought going like a broken record in my mind - "A picture is worth a thousand words"...Well mine are still very young...They can say "hi" n "mamma" "dadda" but then they get stumped... Am slowly painting two syllable pictures.

Someday I will paint a "War and Peace"...Hopefully someone will be charitable to mankind and drown me before I’m done....Like Lord Tolstoy should have been...Of course, if I were his generation, I would have spent my life savings to visit him, just once, shake his hand, and say - "What were you THINKING?"

So what I am trying to achieve with toxic colors is "deep"... Some beautiful thought, some fleeting image that will forever change the history of the universe... Unfortunately all my most beautiful thoughts are about food... Can I paint a timeless piece of chocolate and not be thought a pig? That’s an artists eternal dilemma for you... Maybe if I put blood in a corner to represent all human suffering? And some drool on the side, for come on, one has to respect the chocolate...

My output? Well I bought this very artsy looking canvas board and played with my brushes on it, thereby producing something of outstanding ugliness ... I am planning to send it to the Louvre... If only I could see their faces when they opened it...These small joys in life...Another hallmark work of mine would be a half finished black cat that looks like, well, um, a giant black squiggle on a whitish board (I smoothly knocked over my paint water onto that one)

The entire area that I paint in has been cordoned off in yellow...There’s a stuffed toy (I SWEAR it was a gift :) that took a low blow in yellow paint ...My table now has serious self esteem problems (yellow, blue and a virulent green) ...The area smells of napalm...The floors are awash with strange chemicals...Mommy is regretting having me again...All in a days work...

I get ticked off, though, with all these high faultin books teaching painting ..."Visualize the canvas and let the strokes flow with greater depth of heart" ... This invaluable piece of advice came with a book that had a price tag of 2000 rupees... I mean, I tried reaching into the depths of my heart but my tonsils were in the way...

But the good thing is I am finally getting in touch with my feminine side... Painting ugly pictures has a curiously calming effect... I know what you’re thinking (self-portrait!!!)... Well maybe, someday, when I’m feeling extraordinarily lacking in inspiration...

Seriously, painting does have a very soothing effect on the mind...I cannot imagine why (Substance additive in the paint?) ...Maybe creating something of (dubious) beauty, for no other reason than that we can, brings satisfaction??