Uninstalling the zipper

It is a most depressing realization
saved for the ungodly
wafted like a septic breeze
until the day they are able to see
there is no greater good
no top down approach
to morality,  that works
and the only good that exists
is the small invisible individual kind
that may never fill a teacup
and will never cause a storm
this is
less a commentary against religion
more a consequence
like unprotected sex

the vigil

undertaken under shady defenses
a cold sense of self
a constant impending doom
and moldy pretenses
I should be asleep now
right beside you
instead of waiting
to hear you
not call out to me
I feel like I should be hurt
that your unseeing eyes
no longer notice me
criss cross criss cross
across your doorstep
with creaking bones
constantly interrupting
your peaceful sleep
I feel like I should cry
it feels sociopathic to admit
I know how to feel
but not how much to