the quest for sparkly stone

Incorrugu is quite a battered planet. Its been raining rocks here since the dawn of time, it rains all the time, a dismal clatter crash bang thud ow OW (the ow OW being the rarest since no one in their right mind ever set foot on it, but Suidrones had been known to land there by mistake and die). It was however, among its harshness and instant death reputation, one of the richest sources of Sparkly Stone. Every now and then, some meteor, repelled by all the radiation pressures from other more populated stars, would head for Incorrugu and shower Sparkly Stone all over the planet. Many many aeons of fortune hunters had run to Incorrugu hoping to survive with steel umbrellas, and golf carts, some, five to be precise, all of whom became legends and died of pneumonia after a swim (eerie), had actually braved the rock showers and taken back enough Sparkly Stone to build themselves pools all over their webs.

All five had taken their secret hows with them to their ghosts, and their ghosts to their apparitions, and their apparitions to their marble statues. Needless to say, reverent descendants had kept the lore alive with songs, paeans, stories, chats, gossip, web pages on Cromanga and had smashed all five busts into dust and found not a thing. The mystery and glamor around Incorrugu increased, reaching epic proportions when somebody spread a rumor that Incorrugu was haunted by the Five.

Acres and acres of filmy web notations released by the King, declaring them all rumors, questioning the logic of marble bust dusters returning to ghost format, and how there were no eye witnesses declared and it was all grand Sparkly hooey made not a difference. Acres and acres of populace wearing steel hats, imitation steel hats, glasses, brown purses, bald heads, mohawks, muzzles, nose rings, hair rings, bushy tails, horns and every other adornment for their heads that would be crushed to bits in Incorrugu stood around the planet forming a dense, hot, smelly and incessantly chatty atmospheric covering on the poor planet.

Sincadinna tried everything, rumors, interpretive mimes, naked Pluegens dancing the Hupp Hupp song of praise, the populace didnt budge, just squatted there emitting bodily fluids and chattering to each other in excitement about spotting a Sparkly Stone glinting in the massive amounts of stone and dust.

And so Incorrugu remained a tourist spot of nauseating proportions, you didn't go there unless watching large quantities of sparkly rock rain with rude crazies jammed to your every side excited you, which turned on a surprisingly large number of universies.

And every now and then, you'd hear of a Genius who went "Oooooo Shinyyyyyy" and swung into the planet to be crushed to death, the first time this happened, the crowd was so entertained that the nudging and the jabbing began. And the King of the Worlds had to send out a few thousand of his personal marinadas to keep order in the chaos

The poor harassed marinadas flew around with briefcases screaming orders and curses

And so it stayed for many millenia, until one fine day, with the purple sun filtering luxuriously through the orange web, Seaeliot returned.

Sincadinna and the teapot were having the morning communion when he looked up and his heart sank

Seaeliot, solemn beaked and attentive, was perched on the Orifice

Sincadinna hopped on his Tuba anxiously "What has Princess Ylang Ylang done now?"

Seaeliot said nothing, only looked sorrowful.

"She's not kidnapped again, is she? Shouldnt encourage her to make a habit of it, I will NOT return to Carnacava" the King of the Worlds said in a rush of courage

Seaeliot looked even more depressed

The teapot started boiling and whistling to cover the uncomfortable silence. They both glared at her, and she subsided in a small cloud of bubbles

Sincadinna was bouncing on the Tuba like a ping pong ball now "Tellmetellmetellmetellmetellme youdamnbird tellmetellmetellme ..."

Sealiot puffed out his white breast most provocatively and deflated "Yes, this time its the expedai. The old prince and his horse, they feel sure if they tried rescuing her, they would die, they just want to pay the ransom and be done with it. The expedai are known not to harm anyone, but we can't approach them without the soul sucking talktalk"

Sincadinna felt gray and very tired. He agreed, another conversation with either the Calamini or the expedai were likely to make him tilt over and become a ghost. "Ok what do you want from me"

Seaeliot snapped his beak a couple of times silently "Its the ransom, they want 10 billion Sparkly Stone"

The King stopped bouncing abruptly. 

"10 billlllllion??"

"They want 1 for each expedai or else they are going to make Princess Ylang Ylang their leader and keep her"

Sincadinna thought of the effervescent Princess Ylang Ylang who tied knots on the orange web in extremely uncomfortable places, got kidnapped frequently, and made the entire planet Bileshop shut down whenever they heard a rumor she was coming, leading the expedai into more active energetic endeavors as opposed to merely talking to death of active energetic endeavors. His heart went frozen with fear. He tapped it with his finger until it beat feebly again

"Ok I have about 1 billion Sparkly Stone in the royal treasury, dont like them so much, they really brighten the dungeons uncomfortably, strike the wrong note on the dingy suffering for wrongdoers, plus one genius or the other always wants to give his life banging against the prison bars to get to the Sparkly"

Seaeliot cocked his head "The Calamini should have a few billion, could we persuade them to give some wealth for this noble cause?"

The teapot giggled and choked. The King of the Worlds, in this time of dire peril, set aside his worries, and managed to roll on the web chortling uncontrollably

"Fat chance, they would let the expedai take over the universe and plant deathwishes all over the planets and still sit firm on the Sparkly Stones till their behinds started leaking"

Seaeliot cocked his head the other way "There is another way"

Sincadinna unfurled his lashes to the fullest "Who on earth has 9 billion Sparklies to give for a noble cause?"

"We could fetch them from Incorrugu ..."

"What the hell do you mean "WE"? My subjects need me, I can't afford to die right now, im too young, too handsome, too valuable and powerful and amazing and brilliant and ..."

Seaeliot interrupted hastily, he knew this subject could last years "I was suggesting we have Humtrifin devise some kind of mechanism to get us through safely"

Sincadinna hopped doubtfully "All Humtrifins experiments this year seem to center around food, which is brilliant in itself no doubt, but can he branch out now?"

"We can ask ..."

Sincadinna pulled out his Cosmote, and pressed the Humtrifin button.

"Can you build us something to get 9 billion Sparkly Stones from Incorrugu?"

"No"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes"

"What if you tried"

"I would fail"

"I can help"

"I don't think so"

"Nonono I really can, my science is a little rusty, but I have an instinctive mastery of the elements, my mother always said..."

"Please God No!" Humtrifin was starting to panic

Sincadinna was hopping eagerly now "Yesicanyesyesyesyesyes I promise I won't drown the lab or burn Flitty, or Bogmarch, or anyone, Ipromiseipromise"

"Allright all right fine, I will try to devise something, if you
swear on your trampoline to stay out of the way"

Humtrifin felt fairly certain the King would forget all about this mad whim after his next nap.

Sincadinna hopped doubtfully "I dont know if I can do THAT"

"If you dont I will not even try" anxiety had not yet left Humtrifin's sexy voice

"Are you sure, we make such a brilliant team!"

"I know that, my dear King, but regretfully, we must conserve your energies, you need to also carry the 9 billion Sparkly Stone back, right? And fulfil the duties of ruling the universies with style and speed?"

Slanderling was hovering anxiously outside, he was usually outside Humtrifins cave the past week, the expedai were getting restless, and had informed Sincadinna, that the fair princess had many ideas on livening things up in Corporate Headquarters, the seat of He Who Cannot Be Pronounced's evil empire