Linger

In my mind today, there grew a Linger, a little glowing ember, an imperceptible tug at my heart, remembered and refelt, that disappears when I search the conscious, dances just out of reach at the corner of my eye, that must be sustained only in obliquity. So I pretend I don’t feel it, and look away, think ahead, let it grow in the back of my head, shoot out tendrils of memory, connecting and reconnecting, ebbing and flowing.

I sit in its moonshine on a dark night, smiling to myself in apparent ignorance. As my mind opens memory on memory, spinning on and out, like a child uncovering a secret hidden away carefully from prying adults. It hums a little tune to itself, as it refurbishes psychedelic walkways, painting them with loving care, brilliant yet transparent, directing a shiver to the back of my neck, chortling as it imagines I don’t know why.

Actually, I don’t know where it came from, not all of it, certainly not why. My Linger realizes so many panorama that I had refused to see. I feel a hint of inexplicable tears, a regret, as it comes back to me, I should have seen it all then, when the now-arcane happened, how much more acute would it have been, could it have been. I blink away at them, ignoring curious looks from my conscious.

Then yet, I am grateful, to be allowed to feel my Lingers in retrospect, and in prospect, mind waves that will keep me living on a shiver, for a lifetime. On a shiver of a lifetime.

Life the Glorious, was all white light when he ruled, but became multicolor when he was revisited, more muted, the brightness, more poignant, the shades. And I fell in love with him, all over again, he who chose me to see his stunning plumage in white light and multifarious night, he who swept me up for the mad mindless rush down scenic pathways, built me complicated webs of Lingers, to carry every path, every leaf, every sound and touch, with me, to explore in detail later, whenever I choose, as I rush around with him, shouting into the wind in sheer exhilaration and in the bright heat of the moment.

Come bring more Lingers to me, my wayward mind, It’ll just be you and me for a while, I am ready to feel now, all that I thought I left behind, I am ready to feel now, all that I was hoping to find.