the dawn of solitude

The day will come that you are truly alone. A seeker in pre-arraigned chaos, a nerve mansion blown by the slightest wind into violent jingles in every direction, like a Chinese ornament near the doorbell. Every new input will add to your riches as you sweep over the illusory in bold strokes and colors. A strange calm will fill your ears, a quietness that overpowers you like a force field, suddenly in the midst of your chaos, it will come, and you know it has come to stay.

Sounds will slow, deepen into whale song, then cease to exist, you now live in a vortex, a destination and the beginning of your mind, where solitude finds its own reflections, and in them, a cradle of rest and renaissance.

And when that day comes, you must walk quietly, for this storm that blows inside around it cannot be understood or explained, nor the calm that it brings within. Because the world is too slow in its movements, it cannot comprehend speeds faster than light unless it sees and hears and scrolls through pages of data. You are not data from this day on, you are an infusion of chaos that calms you, a contradiction of forces spinning you out-of-control, yet holding you still in a miraculous balance of probabilities, you are one with yourself, in a way no other person can ever be, with you.

You are now still, always ready, forever alone, no longer hovering uncertainly at the fringes, listening for sounds of the meaningless, no longer joining unhappy cabals. Instead you stand untouched deaf and mute in the midst of cacophony, bliss a sudden and silent conqueror

You feel the sliding ebb of past powers you had blundered into, destroyed for, wittingly or no, they leave the same means as entry, your awareness heightens as they dissolve and you remember, what they did not mean, then forget in grateful release. Other powers you gained with sacrifice and loss, they stay on, because they have understood every side of the void divide, and feel no need for validation, or empty enforcements. These powers they cannot be stopped, cannot be denied, they can only be slowed by mortal means, this knowledge fills you with conviction and the silent will to be

Every battle you fight from that day on will be silent and within, as the most magnificent battles of the worlds inevitably are. Some will be won, some lost, none will matter. They are all the facets of you that must come together, then apart, then together again, until they connect and merge into the someone else that is you in all dimensions, too many to ever need defining.

These battles you will fight again and again until their meanings seep into your bloodstream, become a part of you, no longer needing conscious thought, articulation, explanation, justification, because the next battle already shimmers, you are waiting, arms drawn

Your solitudes are now many living entities, who grow by your side, and are yet one, seamless in who you are and who you want to be, and you simply cannot ask for any more

You will shy away from the world, not afraid, not unsure, merely detached, and the world would have freed another child of chaos, that is ready to burst out of its careless cocoon and form an entity of its own, a seed that came to fruitition. You no longer worry, over why you are unable to join back, for you can see the whole merry-go-round in crystal clarity, and it goes too slow, musics too stilted, you know today that you are an entity, a primal force, that you must forge, not follow.

From this day on, you no longer seek voices from outside to drown yourself out, for you will have your own silences, that you can command from within your head, to still you and to orient you. The world becomes a distant dream, ignored with the predictability of ungrateful offspring, sought only for moments of comfort or love, not clung to under pain of fear or death. And the universe, it will be proud of you, for you are whole and independant, perfection in the image of itself, a step forward into the everlasting,

In the silences of the vast, you will be reduced to nothingness, in their simplicity, your skin will fit, all around you, rising and falling smoothly with your heartbeat, which no longer distorts, over him or her or them or they. You will know intimately that core of you, that holds the unbreakable, the unthinkable, the unloveable, and you will guide your immortal spirit to its true home, calm and unerring