and today, its finally year 39. the dream age I was waiting for since I was a little girl. I had fully planned to be a housewife by this time, presiding over a calm sprawling bungalow with lots of potted ferns and a library and tea with pineapple jam at 3pm. Or at least sidechick 8 in the love life of a millionaire's cousin. Lots of bling and occasional danger but yknow, if I were to go on the occasional yoga retreat, no one would get all het up and fill my phone with rude come hither messages like "where the @#&@#*^&$Q# are you?"
instead I am rat 213832173 in the warren of life, trying with all my bright loving charm to become rat 213832172. rat 213832172 has benefits and a better internet connection, ill just bet. of course, I am mommy 2348726597234 generation 19238123. Now this has various unforseen benefits, like being a complete child with my son, and growing up all over again, which is entirely brilliant. the video games are waaay better!! But I am already forming similar dreams of age 68, which judging from my current level of social maturity and benign fatness, is a setup for looming disappointment.
but children dream.
and what of ambition, a better tomorrow suffused with connections, money, power and a better Starfang? im with the deckchair philosophers on this one. meh. we live in the age where everyone who wants to, can have a Starfang. They know others have had one, still others will have one, they all take roughly the same time to acquire one, and its still discovery, its still fun! a sort of collective isolation that is still shared and understood and repeatable and FUN!
and what about leaving my imprint on this world, for a better tomorrow, for posterity? well I believe I have made a sizeable contribution to posterity already, and I did that with years of patient unwavering faith in the power of being seated comfortably.
my major achievement for this age is being able to drive. I had fully planned to live life on the backseat, the side chair, or a bicycle, but I successfully locomote! and I have discovered that the mark of this nation waits in line on the highway to get on the express lanes. after a lot of staring at the demographic, there is not much to say. they are of all ages and genders and countries. but they all have in common, a clear eyed gaze towards the car in front of them as being the direct, unmistakeable route to salvation.
I still havent learnt to swim. Like the adult mammals, amphibious, omnivorous, amorous and fully adapted to all environments. But I am adapted in a Gen Z+ kind of way. I can instinctively find printers, order excuses by priority and plausibility, and reset passwords from the shower if I have to.
overall I think I am headed in the right direction, same as everyone else.
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