Monday, April 19, 2010

a chip off the old block

And I'm blocked. All symptoms present, the hopelessness, the frustration, the anger, the withdrawal, the whining, the self help books. Not fun when I want to write and I don't want to at the exact same time, like some cosmic joke with a smiley face and a sad face on either side of my tarot card

I feel uninspired, dull and pathetic. And untruthful, lazy, dishonest. My truths are the kind that are never presented with a witness present but now I want to sit out in the sunshine and market my wares, like some plastic dollar store mannequin. I want to sell out, and I have not a damn thing to sell.

So I plan a dramatic death. I will be eighty, or possibly seventy, based on whether I start smoking with stress or not. I will have off-white hair, same shade as a bedroom wall in the old Asian Paints ad.

I will wear a brown shawl with nice elephant-and-chariot embroidery and a fringe. Then I will trip over it and fall down the stairs. Wherever I am, there will be a staircase, after sixty, I will refuse to live in any house without a staircase. I will scream of course, up to down with artistic volume control, and break a few bones. It will be intensely painful, and I will be noble and very brave

Someone will come running, maybe a husband, maybe a kid, maybe a neighbor, maybe a dog or a cat. I will be lying there, very still, very dignified, moaning slightly with pain. Someone will ask if I am okay (or possibly bark or miaow). Then I will sit up and say very clearly "I have something to say to this world"

And then I will close my eyes, smile contentedly and die. That will be my revenge on the human race


  1. I love you :) for writing this and otherwise too! methinks you would look very adorable wearing that brown shall and slipping off stairs after seeing all the knifes, stars and cobwebs you have played with through your writing life!
    How does it matter whether people remember your name or not?
    Isn't it enough that you haven't wasted your time wrestling with those ideas but instead hurled them on unaware people! ;0)
    But what have you been doin lately to get such morbid so not you kind of thoughts?!

  2. I dunno what to say, I realize this is not Pearl, so, umm, thank you?