cowardry

 

From the age of 5 I have known deep within my bones that I was born to save someone. With age and the wisdom of others (be safe) I no longer know if it was one person or many, if I was to save their mind, body or soul. I knew then, now I can only think I've already failed, or I will definitely someday. I don't have the skills for anything but the safety of my worthless skin.

The girl today will haunt me, two kids, just following her, badgering her. I don't know if she liked it, I don't know, there is so much I don't know, mind boggling. If a man ever tried to block my path I would simply hit him and walk over him, or run away, never try to reason. Drunk ain't a good excuse, it ain't.

And one kid came up to me and told me, it was fine, they were drunk, it was her birthday, he was her best friend. And then she came halfway toward me and he went back to her and led her away, I didn't see any force. Why would she trust me anyway, a lone woman against two guys.

And here are my sorry excuses

1. I was just one person, what can I do
2. She didn't really need any help
3. They were just drunk
4. They were just flirting
5. The other guy was her best friend really, he would take care of her.
6. They were just arguing, there was no force
7. She chose her company, and she didn't call out for help
8. Its not my problem
9. Ah im overreacting, forget it!

I'm not fond of God illusions but I pray for her today, I pray with whatever I have that she is ok, because its an ugly world, on beautiful rainy nights, it is a very ugly world indeed.

Today is a very proud day for me. Mommy, I am safe.