the vigil

undertaken under shady defenses
a cold sense of self
a constant impending doom
and moldy pretenses
I should be asleep now
right beside you
instead of waiting
to hear you
not call out to me
I feel like I should be hurt
that your unseeing eyes
no longer notice me
criss cross criss cross
across your doorstep
with creaking bones
constantly interrupting
your peaceful sleep
I feel like I should cry
it feels sociopathic to admit
I know how to feel
but not how much to