Women's Lib

This one has been running in my head for quite a while now, but I never got the time to put it down till now… All right all right, so I’m choosing a deliberately controversial topic to generate sordid tabloidic interest. But in my defense, I don’t really care.

Let me come out here and say what many women have probably been thinking guiltily for quite a while…WOMEN’S LIB IS ONE BIG FAT RIP-OFF!! No offense to all the sisters who fought for this, but just LOOK at the implications.

While I sit here earning my honest bread and getting blood pressure, I’m thinking every minute… Why the hell can I not pout all day in red lingerie and wait for some sap to bring a diamond necklace along? I mean I have all the qualifications necessary to be a moll/housewife/trophy wife ? Why was I so foolish as to throw it all away to do WORK?

Look at the alternatives

1. Wife supporting the cause of Llamas in the Alaskan Zoo while husband slaves away to provide for her fur coat (Llama fur incidentally)

2. Wife taking care of home (nominally) and unlimited TV/Music/Reading/Internet

3. Mistress with a “look pretty” job description

4. Employee No 345 of the toothless Sultan’s harem

5. Girlfriend to Jock who wants to, no, INSISTS ON paying for everything

I tell you ladies, we’ve all been had; In fact I might go so far as to accuse some male of being at the bottom of this, only I doubt any had the foresight. Which is why I want to kick myself. We brought this on ourselves and there’s no wiggle room I can see.

No, wait, I have a theory. It’s the power trip. All humans are notoriously power hungry and equality gives women (the illusion of) some power. And we have millions of women here rushing like lemmings to an early grave chasing this mirage.

So we are reduced to a cheesy movie line – ‘With great power comes great responsibility” UGH. I don’t want great power at all, just a lazy irresponsible lifestyle. For heavens sakes, is that too much to ask??

There was an article a few days back saying women are losing more hair these days because of the pressure they are under (also the toxic hair-colouring, but lets ignore that for the sake of making a dubious point). This frightened me terribly because being bald puts a serious spoke in my dream of a red-lingeried existence (So does my husband’s reception of the idea, but I’ll wear him down eventually)

So its official now. I am against women’s lib in all its clauses that say I have to work. Or else I’m just shirking work. Whichever.