duluth

 

somewhere inside my head there is a nerve without a home. it wanders around unhappily opening and shutting windows, staring at the carpet for hours. words won't register, my balance is worse than usual, I feel encumbered and woolly and unsolvable. there are corkscrews turning in my head, gleaming metal efficient, they produce nothing, they never stop turning. talking and listening and moving and touching and everything have moved away, I feel this planet slipping from between my toes. it will be interesting to see where it goes.

while my soul wanders, while the banked fires of rupture and ennui roil around my mind, while fever and fervor in equal parts join with aspirin and flood around each thought, restless and strong, the season changed outside my head.

on a single road sing trees of every color, rustling happily in time to wind and blinding in sunlight, fiery orange, yellow, purple and red, as they prepare for their leaves to die. its quite a poignant sight, a celebration of the inevitable, a glorious refusal to let life get them down, a stationary defiance to skies beyond their control, bursts of unexpected and marvellous songs in the middle of an ordinary time, ruthlessly disciplined to move in straight lines, but it dont make a damn bit of difference to magic, never has, never will.

my fever dissolves slowly. my fervor calms, murder leaves my heart, death is also a celebration, a big bang bow, blow kiss, goodbye. how can I not love change in a place that changes so often, a place that withers away so beautifully.

their outfits and colors all coordinated, they conspire under the ground, their roots tangling and exchanging secrets, how else do they know how to compare and contrast each others shade and song, find the same cycle to run through at different speeds, to touch each other and create a glorious panorama of differing colors and sparkles, all the same, all different, magic together, magic alone. there are a few ways to heaven on earth, and they are all reached by a single nerve, in love, unsure, lurching, falling, content, disconsolate